Life sucks when you’re a mosquito.

And if you’re a female mosquito like me, the instinct to perpetuate the species requires that I venture out to dangerous places looking for blood. I mean sure—I’d rather stay home like my better half, Malcolm, sucking back plant nectar, lounging around in tall stinky weeds and shallow fetid water, maybe dive bomb some unprotected kids just for kicks, but I don’t have that luxury. Now that he’s gotten me in ‘the family way’ it’s up to me to find blood to feed my eggs. A female’s work is never done.

So, that’s why this hot summer night finds me headed over toward the honeymoon cabins by the lake. Mosquito folklore has it that newlyweds are the most treacherous of mammals to approach—they tend to roll around madly, flip over with abandon, and make all manner of sudden movements without warning. In fact, one of my best friends was squished to death when she got caught in the middle of a passionate clinch. But mosquito legend also has it, that though treacherous, these starry-eyed lovers also yield the biggest rewards. The blood racing through these couple’s veins is powerful stuff and will make strong, healthy larvae. My maternal nature pushes me to take the chance. Life’s too short to run from a challenge. I’m going to live each day as if it might be my last—so, no dead to the world, snoring, pot bellied victims for me. My babies deserve only the best and generations to come will thank me.

The buzz around town has it that cabin number six has a very attractive couple staying there. I do a quick fly by, look in the window and see immediately that the rumors were correct. A tall, dark haired male of the species has the female up against the wall and is nuzzling her neck. Her legs are wrapped around his waist and they are both moaning loudly. I check out his posterior—an obvious, out-of-the-way target perfect for my needs. My initial plan is to get in, bite him on the butt, and get out before they even know I’m there, but I’m a little disappointed to see that they are both wearing swim suits. The normally naked nature of newlyweds is a big part of their appeal—no pesky clothing to get in the way, but these two must have just returned from a midnight swim because they are both soaking wet and water is dripping onto the floor. Forgotten towels lay at their feet as if they barely made it through the door before falling upon each other like wild animals.

I wasn’t born yesterday, so I know to be patient. Between the noises they are making and the grappling and grabbing that’s going on, it’s only a matter of time before clothes start coming off—acres and acres of prime human real estate is going to be at my disposal before I know it.

I fly into the window pane several times and bounce off just because I’m a bug, and then decide that I better find a real way to get inside the cabin. I head toward the front door looking for crevices that might give me access, but I get distracted by the porch light and spend a few minutes hovering in its yellow glow as I absorb the heat.

Loud thumping and moaning from inside the cabin reminds me of what I’m supposed to be doing. I spy another window around on the side of the cabin that’s been left open a few inches and slip into an empty bedroom.

I can hear their voices from the front room and I flutter my paper thin wings and take off in that direction.

“Let’s move this to the bed, Mac,” I hear the man manage to say between kisses.

“The bed, huh? I guess that means the honeymoon’s over?” She teases him while running her hands over his bare back.

“Why do you say that?” He gasps as she nibbles on his ear.

“We haven’t managed to make it to the bed after a swim yet.”

“You’re right. What was I thinking?” I see him turn with her still in his arms and he surveys the room. “Oh look. I don’t think we’ve christened this end table yet.” She tightens her legs around his waist and laughs as he walks over and plunks her down on top of it heedless of the books and magazines stacked there. He straightens up and leers down at her. “Prepare to be ravaged.”

I fly a little farther into the room watching curiously as he tickles and wrestles with her. She shrieks and flails around knocking books and magazines onto the floor and getting him into a few interesting holds of her own. I decide I would be crazy to try to make my move now. They are both laughing and hugging when they lose their balance and fall onto the floor with a thud. Their eyes lock, and for no reason that I can see, things seem to suddenly get very serious.

“Take me to bed, Harm.”

The female is panting.

The male is panting.

The air is thick with pheromones, and heat, and lust, and CO2, and I’ve never felt more blood thirsty in all my life. If I live to be a month old I’ll never forget the insatiable, magnetic pull I feel at this moment. I need, I want—

The man stands up and swings her over his shoulder and starts striding toward the bedroom. “You’re overdressed, woman.”

I flit after them thinking I’m about to get my chance to attack when suddenly I’m knocked out of the air by a flying soggy object. I lie on the cabin floor stunned, covered by wet material which turns out to be the woman’s bathing suit top. I check myself for injuries, and of my six legs, only one seems to be bent at an odd angle. For all intents and purposes, I’m fine. I struggle to move out from under the cloth, but it is slow going. I can hear my prey in the other room now. They aren’t laughing anymore. They are once again moaning and making strange unintelligible human sounds.

An odd symphony of rhythmic squeaking box springs combined with the headboard banging against the bedroom wall fills the cabin as I finally free myself. Feeling a bit shaky I test my wings and prepare to take flight only to be startled by the loud primal cries coming from the other room. Silence follows. I take a circuitous route as I approach the bedroom door, and enter, not without trepidation.

I fly a high recon path over the bed and see that they are wrapped together covered mostly by a sheet. They face each other murmuring soft words and kissing languorously. The buzzing of my wings seems unusually loud to my own ears, and I fear it will alert them to my presence.

Powerless to resist the feast before me I am drawn to the sight of their tangled legs. Ankles have always been a weakness of mine and now, mad with blood lust, I swoop down and land lightly on the man’s exposed lower leg.

“I love you, Harm.”

I barely notice the woman’s words as I sink my proboscis into his ankle and drink deeply. A feeling of contentment is starting to wash over me when he suddenly shoots up into a sitting position and yells. “Ow! Something just bit me.”

I retreat to the woman’s leg and quickly make a sneak attack on the flesh right behind her knee. I just manage to get my blood quota for the night when she shoots up into a sitting position beside him and says, “Ow! It bit me too. I think there’s a mosquito in here, Harm.” She slaps ineffectively at her leg and I take off toward the window just as the man notices that it’s been left open.

I make my way outside just as he pushes it closed. “I better shut this, or we’ll be eaten alive.”

I linger on the window sill long enough to watch the man get back in bed. “Where were we?” he asks. “Oh yeah,” he says as he takes her into his arms. “I love you too, Mac.”

As a farewell gesture I fly into the window pane and bounce off knocking myself silly one last time before heading home. Despite the danger faced, I’m more than satisfied with my night’s work. I couldn’t have picked a better couple. I know quality blood when I taste it and with their looks and their brains my babies will be perfect.

The End

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