1000 ZULU
MAC'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
 

Mac finally dragged herself from bed at 0500. She hadn't gotten more than a couple hours of sleep anyway between crying and regretting all the things she said to Harm the night before. They were in deeper trouble than ever now. And how things could have gotten so far out of hand was beyond her.

After firmly removing Mic from her life, Mac believed she and Harm would finally be on the right path. She never dreamed having Darren around would throw such a monkey wrench into the works. He was only her friend and she'd told Harm that before. Darren provided something in her life that she needed and it was different from what Harm gave her. So couldn't Harm get that through his thick head?

{{Maybe you should have made more of an effort to make him understand}}

Mac ignored the voice in her head. She thought Harm knew her better than to think she would dally between two men. Nor would she send him little gifts trying to win his heart if her interests were with Darren. How could he even allow himself to think she would do something so heartless?

Slowly, she moved to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Stripping, she stepped beneath the hot water and sighed, letting it run over her head. Harm told her once before that he felt he couldn't trust her to know her own feelings. His example was taking Brumby's ring in Australia practically the next second after their heart-to-heart on the ferry. He felt if she really did have deep feelings for him, she would have given him some time to work out his path to her. Instead she went right to another man. Admittedly, he could be thinking the same thing about Darren. Did he really see her in that light?

Did she take Mic's ring because she thought there might be an honest chance she could fall in love with him? Or did she do it to spite Harm? To show him that if he wasn't going to take advantage of what she offering she would find someone else who would.
Going through the remainder of her morning routine, Mac tried to put herself in Harm's shoes. Could he really believe she and Darren were involved? Even after she told him about the other man losing his family only a short time ago? There had been some close moments between them but Mac didn't feel the way for Darren that she felt for Harm and after wasting so much time with Mic, she didn't want to waste anymore time. Harm was the one she wanted to be with. Darren knew that; question was, how could she convince Harm?

{{Have you ever come right out and told him that?}}

No, she hadn't. In fact, she and Harm seemed to step around each other more often than not. Eliminating that fact alone would accomplish a lot. If you really wanted to get closer to the truth, she was afraid to admit how she felt. She was almost positive Harm did love her but without confirmation, she was in the same boat he was in, treading into unknown waters. She knew if they were ever going to get to that point they would have to get all their fears out in the open and on the table. They had been so many things to each other over the years and he really was her best friend. But she knew that wasn't why she loved him. And she wasn't confused about her feelings even though he seemed to think she was. Once upon a time she may have been that weak-kneed but not anymore. There were enough failed attempts to know what she found in Harm was what she wanted for the rest of her life. He treated her like an equal and with his love she could grow. She could simply be herself and maybe that was what she also treasured in Darren's friendship. That he took her just the way she was. He had a past of his own that was harsh in some light but he'd overcome his obstacles and was stronger for it. Mac regretted her actions the night before but Harm's words were cruel and undeserved. They would need to talk about this and get it resolved but she wasn't sure she could face it right now. On the heels of everything that had just happened to them, maybe some space was in order. They had a lot of cases to get back to, including the one for Commander Peña. Work was unchanging and at least she could count on the stability of her job. At times being a Marine was the one steady thing she had to hold on to. It was her truth, the reality of her life when everything else was spinning out of control. Once upon a time she believed her relationship with Harm to be the same. He was her accepted truth, her statement of fact. She only hoped it wouldn't be too late for her to make him believe it.

The End